i am tired of excuses

I’ve been quite uneasy lately for reasons I don’t know why. Like I’ve been knocked down or rolled over by a big truck. I don’t know how to explicitly describe the feeling. I am perturbed. Therefore I shun myself from the likes of others. Not because I am socially retarded but because I’m battling with my inner self. This causes me to react and behave in odd ways.i-e-the cold shoulders.

u've got me high!:)

so i lied. i have not been updating my blog.assignments and tests have been crazeyyyy hell and i didn't even hv time for myself and loved ones. not even gossip sharing moments at mamak with frens or fancy pansy restaurant outings with the grandparents

my bday was last tues, and truthfully, i was not in my festive facade.i didn't care if didn't get pressies or if i didn't get a bday cake.all i really wanted was to hibernate for hours long in my room. nonetheless, my bday turned out pretty awesome.bday wishes kept flowing and that made me smile 3 inches wide.and most importantly, i get to celebrate with the ppl i care about in life.i am a happy buffoon.


photos taken during celebration with the girlies

had red apple sorbet with water cress soup(soup was gobbled down in an instant, didn't get the chance to tk photos of it :p)


This was what sue and dot ordered.forgot the name.but the meat was tender( i could skin it off with my teeth) the gravy was thick and mashed potato was rich and buttery.yumm yummm.will definitely go for this next time around!



dot got me tiramisu cake, a wand, sparkle candles and a crown!:D
the staff sang happy bday in both, English and Malay versions and called me 'the queen' haha.funnneyh




the girlies<3 (taken frm sue's camera thus different resolutions from the othr photos)



the place and decorations are purrrdy.
this will be my engagement after-party location.hehehe

p.s->thank u for the wishes, bday cakes, pressies, bear hugs, wet kisses, movie date etc.love love love

rest for 10 mins, then i gotta study,study,study!

i've completed my socio assignment. the feeling is overwhelming. since i hv no ink in my printer, i had to walk to the cc under the scorching sun whilst the men head to the mosque to perform their friday prayers thus i was hoping the cc would be empty or at least guy-less.

to my dismay, there were a couple of malay muslim guys at the cc just hanging around, checking their fb. i just find it rather insulting thus i just had to gv them the nasty look. they should have at least stayed at home or the hostel rather than parading themselves in public.gahh. some malay guys are just embarrassing.

anyway, this week has been busy, busy, busy for me and the rest of my mates too. next week, too will be a hectic week.

to-do list
saturday-sociolinguistics test
monday-cni microteaching, submit reading lesson plan
tuesday-submit creative writing portfolio.
wednesday-the last discussion for 1000 splendid suns, our group's presentation
thursday-study japanese,last day to ask ques before the final paper.

i think there's more, i just cant seem to recall..


oh and i think i flunked my reading test 2. my head just went blank.fcuk.

unpretty

ive been really emotional l8ly.asyik2 nak tear up over such silly matters.aiyoyo.pastue mrh2 sambil nangis nak org pujuk.man,im such a big baby.

lpstue tido.aftr waking up im ok already.pastue rs really guilty tp malu nak ckp sorry coz i dont want to seem weak.*hak dush self*

I'm sorry!

man burok btul my perangai!

im mr.brightside

My blog is half-dead.

will try my best to check u everyday.update u once in a awhile with my the latest happenings.maybe i'll even update your look.hmmn.maybe.anywhoo, raya is just around the corner, but we've been bombarded with shitloads of assignments. nevertheless, raya still comes first.i cant wait to fire-up those mercuns, play pop2 and be awed by bunga api. those twirling fire nvr fail to impress me.except for when i was in form 2, got severe asthma attack coz i got too excited with it and was sent to the clinic...

though i might be a bit blue this eid, seeing how i'm not going back to taiping and all my relatives are in aussie, the raya spirit is still very much alive in me. this time around, we'll be kicking this festive season with my mum's friends. and prolly celebrating it with my sa and uitm friends as well.

to new beginnings!

yesterday's event brought me back to the past.old feelings came gushing back like waves crashing.how could i let someone treat me so low, so insignificantly embarrassing?how was i able to forgive and forget and move on, like everything's hunky dory?whilst the truth is, i am crying inside?how could i still carve a smile and secretly hoping for the better?how could i blame myself for defending the truth for i have not done anything wrong?

a friend once said to me 'respect yourself first and others would respect you' and that made me think deep about the past, the present and everything else.all these while, i cared so much about pleasing others that i forget to please myself.and because of such nature, people tend to stomped all over me and i'm tired and sick of it.

and so from now on, i would not allow anyone to kick, push,punch me anymore.i shall respect myself more, treat myself like the queen i desire because no one has control over me,my thoughts,my body, my mood other than myself:)

this is uncool.

i am dead meat.please slice me into itsy-bitsy slices or put put me in the paper shredder.i am completely embarrassed of my actions.why laa i like to make a fool of myself?why cant i be cool, for once

i'm of to bury my head in my pillow now