overall diary reading

my meltdown went a tad too far.teeheehee.anyway,im not gonna delete that post becoz it reminds me of my stupidity and how bratty and selfish i can be.

the fling with mr then right now has ended.but its okie.everything's hunky dory.i now know how much i should like someone and the do's and don't with fling mates and thus because i used and apply my simple love theories with mr.then,im doing a-okay now:)

i checked my diary.its funny in a way.from 2006 to late 2007.all i talked about ws him.from one fight to anthr.and same goes for break-ups.how i listed down all the things i hated about him,how bad he treated me.everythingg bad lah.

then came early 2008 which i consider the post break-up stage.i still talked about him.but not in the same way.i still had feelings for him.but i no longer would cry when writing about them.its more of letting go of the past kinda phase.

next was the im gonna die alone phase.i was shit scared.everyone around me ws hooking up.i ws queasy and jealous being around love-birds.i ws scared because i dint have scandals,flings,eye-candies,pemangkin class. watever u call it.i didnt have it.and hence seeing how everyone is going out with someone.i ws in the stage where i truly believed i would end up alone.partly due to the fact that some of my attractive aunties and mum's frens are still unmarried.and they are soo pretty.(successful,long-haired,slim looking women)

and then there's the dating phase.the come and goes.the not soo serious relationships.this is where i am now.but i think sooner or later i'll wind up back to the depressing die-alone stage.i dunno whyy.


but dnt get me wrong, im not a love struck giddy teen who only talks about love and boys.there are other stuff as well.deaths,friendships,family problems,my own insecurities.normal everyday stuff u write in ur diary.that's me.normal average me:)