bitter

it's been awhile since I last posted something here. ahh well, i was not in the mood for blogging. lately i noticed I'm becoming more pessimistic and negative. beats me why and it's affecting my behaviour and ehmmn... the number of friends.

one of my new year's resolutions is to bite my tongue and avoid being snappy.however, it seems that I have not been true to my resolution, as somehow this year I've gotten meaner. when people drop nasty comments, i just can't help but to think of mean comebacks and replies hence, I don't think twice before saying it. This is because the longer I take thinking for a comeback, the less nasty my comments will be. Hence, I would not be a worthy component for a tongue-lashing dual. I think it's truly unfair that I have to take all that crap from a person. I am human. I, too have feelings. Why must I tend to other's well being if I am not being respected. It's unfair and I certainly do not deserve to be a victim of your emotional outburst.sign me up for anger management!

fiuhhh. I just feel a loaded of anger being lifted upon my shoulders. how i miss blogging.

Holiday break list.

Since my students’ examinations are over, the intensive tuition has reduced from twice a day, 4 times a week to once a week. That being said, I find myself being jaded and planning out what to do daily. So I look forward to gym sessions with Nash and Mary 3 times a week. Hanging out with my homies (the eight) everyday is simply out of the question for now since they are busy with work, examinations and other commitments.

So to occupy my time this holiday, I’ve decided to list the list the things to do when I’m bored and alone:-

1. Go to the library and borrow more novels. I’m currently re-reading my sister’s ‘Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella.’ It’s not as amusing reading it again as I know every event, every character by heart. Thus, the sense of mystery is no longer there. That goes to all the books at my house. Hence, I have to go to the library.

2.Start searching for journals for my academic exercise. This should be my numero uno priority but reading journals are boring (No offense to those who enjoy reading journals) I can’t help but to procrastinate and push it aside for now.

3.Start whipping out desserts. I successfully baked lemon meringue pie last week. The recipe is surprisingly pretty simple, not that much of a hassle except for the waiting and the beating.The verdict: a light dessert as it is cut in small pieces (best eaten for tea time) , the pie was not too sweet. (Which I am fond of) However, it was a bit egg-y (but then again, it’s a meringue what do you expect) Next week, I’ll try to make pumpkin custard. I hope it’ll turn out like the one they have at Famous Thai.

4.Catch up on Glee, Cougar Town and Britian’s Next Top Model.

5.Learn how to cook main dishes. I often bake desserts as I have a sweet tooth however, when it comes to real food, I fall flat on my face. I suck. BIG TIME. I guess I’m scared that my dishes would be inedible hence, everything would go to waste.

20102010

I noticed that my blog has become quite passive and negative lately. This is because my blog is the only way i can express and pent out my emotional, depressed feelings. Even though today I’m actually quite bitter due to certain undisclosed matters, I shall update on my birthday which was last week to cheer myself up.

May I point out that this year’s date was super cool.ch-ch-check this out 20102010

Lets cut the chase move on to pictures shall we? ;p

that's me opening nana's present.thank u salon partner

my girlfriends dancing and coming up with their own rap.they crack me up :')

i was so shocked to hear the birthday song on the radio, hence the face :P

l-r:nadhirah,me and shidot

susu and me

dotdot

*group hug in the middle of busy pyramid*

i cant believe we're 22!

nadhirah looks so cute!

my pretty girlfriends!

thank u everyone!family,best friends, friends, students, neighbours, random strangers etc for the songs, wishes,celebrations, presents, cards, smiles, hugs. if i could give all of you big wet sloppy kisses, i would.i seriously would. a billion gazillion thank you. Each and every one of you have made my bday more special!

muah muah muah! xxx

exactly what i need now

I stumbled upon this video on youtube recently.I find it really inspiring.thank u kandee :') u've inspired me to turn my day around. au revoir tears!

a people pleaser.

I care so much about other people's feelings that i often forget to attend to mine. I would cuss and cry reflecting over the what-ifs and what when wrong. Where the truth is, I know I'm on the right path despite the heart says otherwise.

I don't wan't to be a people pleaser because I know I can't force everyone to like me.It's just that I can't sleep peacefully at night thinking I have made someone upset.Especially if that someone is someone I care about.

I know I've mentioned this before but I seriously need to let go off the past. It's not bringing me any good :'S

i can't hold it in any longer

So many things are going right now. I’m so tired of school; I’m so tired of being the coolie where everyone bosses me around in school be it teachers, clerks and school administration. I did everything asked with a smile on my face. I’m currently the painter, the ajk kebersihan for katam quran ceremony, the tutor for Peralihan students (students who have trouble reading and speaking) and on top of it all, I’m a trainee teacher who gets observed 4 times by her supervisor and 6 times by her mentor.

Everything I do is not par to the ‘school standard’. I can’t stand it any longer. If u want the school to look pretty, hire a freaking painter. I am not inclined to doing art works therefore you shouldn’t put much hope in my mural. Talking behind my back to students and other teachers on how dissatisfied you are with my mural won’t make you people any popular.

I just want to cry and be a student once again. I’m not getting paid so please be kind to all my voluntary works. I’m really trying my best.

Oh and to topped it all off, the students are currently being extra annoying and rebellious these past days. They even put on a show in front of my lecturer. Well, just the purrrrfect timing.

p.s-oh and my friends are pushing my buttons on such silly matters. seriously, I feel like I’m going loony

Wear the hair differently

I have a hard time letting go objects, possessions and figures that are once close to the heart. I find it difficult to take a leap ahead because I carry this baggage around me.

Sometimes, I just wish that my past was a tad different. Not extreme changes like different families and etc but subtle changes like the people I used to associate myself with and etc. This is because the past hinders me from doing things differently. I feel that if I acted a different way than how I usually do, I feel like I’m swindling what I had despite it being gone ages ago.

Thus, I am now afraid to test new waters, afraid to take the plunge, afraid of being hurt again. But then again, how do you live life if you’re too afraid to try new things.

It’s truly a burden when you secretly want to be different but the heart says otherwise.

I’m 22 but I’m acting like a 60 year old. Someone needs to give me a vigorous shake and tell me that it’s ok to do things out of the norm.

I need to have the courage and write new pages of my life.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." - Alexander Graham Bell.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

-E.M. Forster.